Like a (really annoying) virgin. What are we to make of an adult male who refers to himself as "Virgin Boy"? And what are we to make of a TV station -- WFXT-TV (Channel 25) -- that hires him as a commentator on its brand-new morning news broadcast?
"Virgin Boy" is Doug Goudie, the former Howie Carr sidekick best known for playing crude sound effects whenever the subject of -- tee, hee! -- homosexuality came up. (Goudie claims it was a tape of former Boston city councilor David Scondras clearing his throat at a news conference. Perhaps it was, but it definitely offends on more than one level.)
In his new incarnation, Goudie goes simply by "VB," so perhaps he's slowly trying to carve out a new image for himself. Then again, judging by yesterday's debut, perhaps not.
Some years back, someone once told me that he regularly ran into Goudie in the gym and that, away from the microphone, he's a pretty nice guy. I bring this up only to note that Goudie does not appear to have seen the inside of a gym in quite some time.
And I bring that up only because Goudie demonstrated a weird proclivity for fat jokes yesterday. At one point, as a clip played of Ted Kennedy holding up what appeared to be two military helmets, Goudie "joked" that Kennedy was trying out a new bra.
Later, his reaction to Stevie Nicks's lament about Madonna and Britney Spears's kiss was to observe that Nicks, now 55, is, well, fat. How insightful!
Goudie also treated us to some sex jokes about Ronald Reagan, whom he insisted on calling "Dutch" -- a tone-deaf touch of familiarity that co-anchor Jodi Applegate made fun of. So how did Goudie react? By referring to Sylvester Stallone as "Sly," of course.
It called to mind nothing so much as Bill Murray's cringe-inducing turns at the anchor desk on Saturday Night Live in the mid '70s -- the difference being that you were supposed to cringe at Murray.
Neither Applegate nor co-anchor Gene Lavanchy seemed to know quite what to make of their sidekick. Applegate kept scrunching her face up, while Lavanchy opted for detachment.
Herald TV critic Monica Collins writes today, "Goudie has some roguish appeal but needs to be smarter and sharper about targets."
Unless Goudie gets much better real fast, that is likely to be the kindest thing anyone says about him.